A few weeks ago, I got great feedback on my article Enneagram Type 5 vs Enneagram Type 4. Everyone enjoyed it, and everyone complained that it was too long. So, this week I am breaking up the normally almost 2500 word blog posts into several 300-500 word posts. If you liked the long version, don’t worry I will release it at the end of the week. Since I am breaking up the posts into bite-size bits, you might want to check this one to get a better introduction into the series. Now here is the healing we can provide one another.
Type 6: Healing – Answering Question
Enneagram Type 6’s will fight fear with a variety of loyalties, but many will find loyalty to thinking to extremely helpful. Thinking allows them to plan through fears. Enneagram Type 5’s are best suited to this endeavor because we enjoy thinking through things. Listening to a Type 6 think through their fears is part of who we are. We can work through our fears together, and it provides us the chance to gather knowledge while providing the Type 6 some logic and decisiveness.
As Enneagram Type 5’s fight fear with knowledge we bring that security to a Type 6. We don’t guess (for the most part). We know. There is something incredibly comforting for a Type 6 to run into a healthy Type 5 because we have access to the kind of decisiveness of an Enneagram Type 8. However, our default position is to listen. So we listen, providing the comfort of presence and then we decide because we have all the information. In my experience, there is little more that I can do for an Enneagram Type 6 than presence and decision.
The first time I got to spend time just me and her with my sister-in-law, I repeatedly tried to strike up a conversation. It isn’t easy for me because I am an introvert, but that’s the kind of thing you do when your family. I got nothing because she just wanted to sit together doing separate things. It was awesome! I am sure my brother and wife (both extroverts) would have died of silence. The best thing for us to build our relationship though, sitting quietly together just being in the presence of one another. Now, we have a great relationship where we can talk or just be with one another.
Type 5: Healing – Asking Questions
There are few people for me to ask my questions too. No one is that interested except Enneagram Type 6’s. Everyone else gets bored with my questions and rabbit holes. Even other Type 5’s will redirect the conversation with a question of their own. An Enneagram Type 6 though, will ask a follow -up question and that’s when the real fun begins. Usually, they want to know more because it can help them combat fear, and what I know gives them security, and a continued conversation gives them presence. All of this breaks down my walls in the kindest of ways.
I am convinced Enneagram Type 6’s are the best question-askers because they are so inviting when they do it. I don’t think anyone likes to answer questions better than a Type 5. However, we are terrible about reaching toward emotional answers. Type 6’s are great at guiding us there. This builds the kind of loyalty in a Type 5 that Type 6’s often exhibit, and it’s really healing. It takes the weight of the world off my shoulders.
The 30-Second Rule
I tend to over-explain things. So, if you ask me why something is the way it is I would prefer to start my answer somewhere way back in history (usually ancient Egypt because most people are mildly familiar with ancient Egypt). My wife had had enough of that, and she could tell most of the people I interacted with had enough too, so after a few months of marriage, the 30-second rule was instituted. The 30-second rule is a rule where I have to answer someone’s question in 30-second or less and then stop talking. If they ask follow up questions then I am allowed to speak more. Unfortunately, most people only want the less than 30-second version of information, and I have come to accept this… sort of… not really… Ok, I struggle with it a lot sometimes.Unfortunately, most people only want the less than 30-second version of information, and I have come to accept this… sort of… not really… Ok, I struggle with it a lot sometimes. #enneagram5 Click To Tweet
An Enneagram Type 6 almost always asks a follow-up question if they can. They are the best! I can’t explain why it’s so liberating to be able to share my knowledge with someone, but it just is. I started a blog to basically do just that. Because of I the 30-second rule, I also understand how kind it is to be asked the follow-up question, and I think I am even more respectful to the person who does ask the question. It creates a bond, healing us.
Tune in tomorrow for how despite all this love and affection we can cause some deep hurts to one another. You should also check out this article written by an Enneagram Type 6.