Today we are exploring the hurt Enneagram Type 5’s can cause each other by remaining emotionally shallow relationships with each other.
Last week I got great feedback on my article Enneagram Type 5 vs Enneagram Type 4. Everyone enjoyed it, and everyone complained that it was too long. So, for the Enneagram Type 5 article, I am breaking up the normally almost 2500 word blog post into several 300-500 word posts. If you liked the long version (you fellow Type 5’s), don’t worry I will release it at the end of the week. Since I am breaking up the posts into bite-size bits, you might want to check this one to get a better introduction into the series.
Type 5 Hurting = Emotionally Shallow
Enneagram Type 5’s are fantastic at understanding intellectually each other. However, the hurt comes from remaining emotionally shallow. In fact, what we often do with anyone is substitute emotional depth with intellectual curiosity and understanding. Many other Enneagram Types will push past this eventually in a long term relationship. Two Type 5’s together run the real risk of remaining in the emotional shallows with each other for years or decades.
I have learned that I have this preference to remain this way with almost everyone, so I at least try to see whether others are open to it. After countless lunches and interactions, I can always pick out a fellow Type 5 by how closed off they are to my attempts to emotionally connect. Usually, we deflect the conversation into strategy or history or by answering your question with another question. Most of us do it so naturally, you would never notice that the topic of conversation has suddenly become a mutually shared subject or you and what you think is now the topic.
While this may not seem hurtful on the surface, remaining emotionally shallow has long-reaching effects. Other Enneagram Types may be able to intuitively pick up why the person who understands you best being unable to emotionally connect would be hurtful. So fellow Type 5’s I implore you to think long term.An intellectual conversation cannot make up for emotional investment with people. Click To Tweet
Should you find a fellow 5 that you enjoy and they enjoy spending time with you that is excellent. However, it is likely you never build that emotional bridge. Over time that will add up to excellent conversations about all manner of things. But you will never talk about each other. So I ask you this person you spend so much time with, do you really know him/her? By remaining emotionally shallow you deprive yourself of the true person you could get to know. Remember the gift Type 4’s give us is reaching past, through, and/or around our walls to connect. They fight hard to know the whole person, and that is a gift we deprive ourselves of when we find that person to intellectually connect with.
That deprivation will eventually lead to drift. You will drift from relationships and never really know why. It is because an intellectual conversation cannot make up for emotional investment with people. You have to put doors in your walls and then give keys to people. Not everyone, but some people that you can trust.
A fellow Enneagram Type 5 will probably never push you to give them keys or even build the door in the first place. That is an injury not of the head but of the heart, and it can be a sneakily deep wound. It is especially true when we felt a deep connection, to begin with.
See you tomorrow.