Let me first begin to say that in no way have I completed the academic rigors of becoming a Pharisee or the religious progeny which is Rabbinical Judaism. I do not wish in any way to underscore their achievements nor their vast understanding of YHWH.
 
Having grown up in the Church of Christ, knowledge of God and subsequently (or equally) the Bible was highly prized. Indeed, the more I have studied the titular Pharisees, the more I have realized that they too prized intellectual advancement in a similar manner. That has always lent me a sympathetic ear to their plight and the judgment they incurred from Jesus the Christ. I have always attempted to watch my life for the tendencies that gripped the worst of the Pharisaical habits. Those which Paul would later call himself the worst of sinners.
Recently though, I wonder when these tendencies will creep into my life. The creeping seem inevitable as these men were greater than I in many regards. As my book project continues forward and I see success in editing, and people reach out to me in a way that seems to confirm that I am on the right path. As I study more and learn more about God, I am humbled by the men who were Pharisees. Yet, again I feel compassion for them as many did not or have not received Jesus the Christ, and that makes me wonder where in my life that I do not receive Christ?
It seems to me that should I reach a point of superiority that I will be sucked into the trappings of these ancient brethren. What hope is there for me save the grace that is unending and everlasting?
Speaking life is the goal of everything I try to do. It seems to me that Jesus the Christ wanted life to the full for us without any of the baggage of sin and loss and defeat. Speaking life seems to be the best way to do that, but the how and the why and the heart get tied up in it in such a way that it seems I am only successful when powered by the Holy Spirit.
So what I am to do but trust in the grace afforded to me by God the Father through the sacrifice of Jesus the Christ fulfilled by the Holy Spirit? What can any of us do but speak the life which has been spoken into us?
As someone who has recently had the chance to begin speaking and teaching again, How I am ever enough? More importantly, it raises my senses to seek where I am being the worst part of a religious order that only sought to know God better. At what point, do I become the thing I fear the most? What part of my life have I not accepted Christ into? What part of me needs to live again, fully, so that it can speak life into others?