Today we are exploring a unique parenting aspect to the Enneagram Type 5 and sparking our imagination for a relationship.
Last week I got great feedback on my article Enneagram Type 5 vs Enneagram Type 4. Everyone enjoyed it, and everyone complained that it was too long. So, for the Enneagram Type 5 article, I am breaking up the normally almost 2500 word blog post into several 300-500 word posts. If you liked the long version (you fellow Type 5’s), don’t worry I will release it at the end of the week. Since I am breaking up the posts into bite-size bits, you might want to check this one to get a better introduction into the series.
Parenting Tip: Ask Questions
Most Enneagram Type 5’s I know rarely outright lie. My wife will tell you that I couldn’t lie if my life depended on it. However, because of our walls, we can hide the truth under layers. If we are asked the question outright then we answer, but that necessitates the question. This idiosyncrasy frustrates my wife to no end. Imagine what that is like for parenting.
The Type 5 might seem the perfect kid, often compliant and excelling in the important things, but you will never know what they are hiding if you don’t ask the questions. Parenting a Type 5 means carving out the time and energy to dive deeper than the surface “how was your day?” to “tell me about how lunch with your friends went?”
There are two things about asking these questions you should prepare yourself for when parenting.
- You have to know what’s going on in your child’s life to ask the question. This isn’t a controlling aspect, but an involvement aspect. It is something that feeds on itself if you build a foundation and habit with your kids early. However, you can dive in deeper during the teen years too, it is just going to require more vulnerability on your part.
- Know your timing. If you are asking right after school, you might not get more than the facts. If you want the feelings then you will have to ask again later once your child has had time to process how they might feel about things. There is nothing wrong with getting the facts first because it sets up our later in the day conversations.
I think Enneagram Type 5’s need more imagination than most. They need to do the imagination, and they desire to receive the imagination. You have to want to know what is behind their walls and for me, imagination is the best way to stay motivated. We won’t give it away for free because we have been burned before. Every wall has a story, a hurt, a joy, a frustration. Would you be willing to help us remove a few bricks so we can put in some doors? If you want access to some of the most creative thoughts, it might just be worth it for you to start imagining with an Enneagram Type 5. Who do you need to ask questions to get to know better today?